Thursday, January 7, 2010

Chicken Chores

Since getting my flock of hens, I've had little help in maintaining the "girls". Mr. Wonderful skillfully constructed the Coop Du Jour in which they live - a palace of wonderment and delight! He is a great life-partner, but his time and attention are limited when it comes to some of the mundane or the medical treatments they sometimes require. Anything "medical", I can mostly count him OUT!

So, how do I GiT R DoNe all by myself? You can imagine, chicken wrangling can be a little frustrating - hens are mighty flighty at times. Sooooo --this is what I do:
mmmmmm...No, not "quite"! But I've thought about it! Actually, I use a long lost procedure from the past...Chicken Hypnosis!
Years back, folks could not always count on having someone readily available to help with doctoring or butchering. (We have all heard tales of chickens running around with their heads cut off while everyone watched...gruesome.) Sometimes a person had to butcher alone, and there were a few tried and true ways to go about it. Here are a few methods for Chicken Hypnosis that you can try yourself. Each one should immobilize your hen for 15 seconds up to 20 minutes. Swinging pendulums not required!

The first method is what I prefer. I hold the hen firmly, turning her upside down, and resting her back on a table or the ground - whichever is handier. I take my hand and slowly stroke her from the wattle on her neck down her breast, removing my hand and beginning again very slowly, until she looks drowsy - takes a very short time. When she is calm, I can put Vaseline on her feet, comb and wattle to protect them from frostbite, I can dust her for parasites, and also clip wing feathers! Easy Peasy!

The other methods are ones that are handy to know, but are my less preferred ways of hypnotizing a hen. The birds' head can be held down to the ground, and you can slowly draw a line from the comb of the hen to the bird's feet repeatedly, till the bird is hypnotized. Might last 15 seconds or longer, as the bird will keep looking at the "line". The last method involves holding the hens head curved under her wing (must be done gently) while you slowly rock her back and forth, putting her into "the Trance"...then release her, setting her carefully on the ground when she is fully under your spell! Yes, this does work, and to miraculously awaken her, loudly clap your hands together, and she will return to consciousness, as if nothing has happened!

Chicken Hypnosis is very helpful when doing basic hen care - give it a try. And, as with all things, practice makes perfect! Read the chicken jokes below for amusement, and have a wonderful day!
"Why did the chewing gum cross the road?" "Because it was stuck to the chicken's feet."
"Why did the duck cross the road?" "Chickens day off."
"Why did the dinosaur cross the road?" "Because chickens weren't invented."
"Why did the punk rocker cross the road?" "He was stapled to the chicken."

15 comments:

Stella said...

How very interesting. It is so muvch fun to see what my bloggie friends are going to teach me today. Thanks for sharing.

debbie said...

THIS IS THE FUNNIEST POST I HAVE READ IN A WHILE. YOU ARE A TALENTED WRITER AND I LOVE...LOVE....LOVE THE PICTURE PLUS ONE DAY I WOULD LOVE TO OWN SOME CHICKENS AND THIS WAS VERY INTERESTING......AND FUNNY.
THANKS FOR THE CHUCKLES ON THIS TERRIBLY COLD DAY.
ANGEL HUGS
SIMPLY DEBBIE

Olde Dame Penniwig said...

Oh hun, I could never do any of that...I would have to have the vet out, I can't even give a cat a pill...

Marjorie (Molly) Smith said...

Granny used to put their head under their wing... it always amazed me...lol...how easy I am to amuse...lol..
Thanks for sharing...

^..^Corgidogmama said...

Egad...you massage their wattle...is that even legal????

Whosyergurl said...

Do you know how to hypmotize (SP?)a toad or frog? I dooooo!
My great-grandma always told a story about chopping off the head of a hen, only to have it race around the yard and throw blood all over her clean white sheets!
tee hee "Mr. Wonderful"
Happy New Year Hugs!
Cheryl in IN

LADY JANE'S EMPORIUM said...

LOL...love it girlfriend! I do Not EVER want YOU mad at me...with a technique like that! I would RUN but I believe I may be hypnotized by the graphics...
Rolling on floor laughing at your post...And I have another joke to share...for your lovely collection of chicken jokes....Whatever by the way happened to blogs about Fancy China (...and worm boxes)
OK...Ready for the joke???

Why did Mr. Wonderful NOT help with Medical Chicken issues?

Answer: Henpecked?????

My Metabolic Rate is Stuck said...

LOL!! This post was so very useful and "deelightful"
You are so creative!! :)

farmlady said...

Well my goodness. I think I need to learn some of these tricks. That's really amazing. I didn't even know you could do this to a chicken.
Our hens are not friendly and don't like to be held. I will have to try some of these methods. Thanks.

Angela said...

I have heard of this but I don't think I've ever seen it done. I have seen a poor chicken run around with it's head cut off. I was a kid then and thought it was funny.

Hugs,
Angela

PlantSomeRoots@Lakewood said...

Just received your comment at my blog. Please take it easy this weekend. Hope you are feeling better soon!
Living it up at Lakewood,
Cindy

Chatty Crone said...

You crack me up girlfriend - can you use that on people too - 8 year olds? Just kidding!!!

Are you sick?

Sandie

Barbara Jean said...

Very interesting post, even if you do not have chickens.

Missed coming over for get r done yesterday. I though of you. =0)

blessings

barbara jean

Troy said...

Do you ever hypnotize them and make them think they are people?

You could have hours of amusement watching them all get dressed and head off to work with their little briefcases tucked under their wing...

Troy

Sammy said...

Num, num! Chicken! Not the best dish - I prefer tuna - but still it's good meat! Why don't you check out my blog? www.sam-wow.blogspot.com. If you don't like it, don't come back - but I'm pretty sure you'll like it!