Chicken Chores

Since getting my flock of hens, I've had little help in maintaining the "girls". Mr. Wonderful skillfully constructed the Coop Du Jour in which they live - a palace of wonderment and delight! He is a great life-partner, but his time and attention are limited when it comes to some of the mundane or the medical treatments they sometimes require. Anything "medical", I can mostly count him OUT!

So, how do I GiT R DoNe all by myself? You can imagine, chicken wrangling can be a little frustrating - hens are mighty flighty at times. Sooooo --this is what I do:
mmmmmm...No, not "quite"! But I've thought about it! Actually, I use a long lost procedure from the past...Chicken Hypnosis!
Years back, folks could not always count on having someone readily available to help with doctoring or butchering. (We have all heard tales of chickens running around with their heads cut off while everyone watched...gruesome.) Sometimes a person had to butcher alone, and there were a few tried and true ways to go about it. Here are a few methods for Chicken Hypnosis that you can try yourself. Each one should immobilize your hen for 15 seconds up to 20 minutes. Swinging pendulums not required!

The first method is what I prefer. I hold the hen firmly, turning her upside down, and resting her back on a table or the ground - whichever is handier. I take my hand and slowly stroke her from the wattle on her neck down her breast, removing my hand and beginning again very slowly, until she looks drowsy - takes a very short time. When she is calm, I can put Vaseline on her feet, comb and wattle to protect them from frostbite, I can dust her for parasites, and also clip wing feathers! Easy Peasy!

The other methods are ones that are handy to know, but are my less preferred ways of hypnotizing a hen. The birds' head can be held down to the ground, and you can slowly draw a line from the comb of the hen to the bird's feet repeatedly, till the bird is hypnotized. Might last 15 seconds or longer, as the bird will keep looking at the "line". The last method involves holding the hens head curved under her wing (must be done gently) while you slowly rock her back and forth, putting her into "the Trance"...then release her, setting her carefully on the ground when she is fully under your spell! Yes, this does work, and to miraculously awaken her, loudly clap your hands together, and she will return to consciousness, as if nothing has happened!

Chicken Hypnosis is very helpful when doing basic hen care - give it a try. And, as with all things, practice makes perfect! Read the chicken jokes below for amusement, and have a wonderful day!

"Why did the chewing gum cross the road?" "Because it was stuck to the chicken's feet."

"Why did the duck cross the road?" "Chickens day off."

"Why did the dinosaur cross the road?" "Because chickens weren't invented."

"Why did the punk rocker cross the road?" "He was stapled to the chicken."